Que sera sera [Whatever will be,will be]

My tune: Yellow by Coldplay


Have you ever loved and lost somebody? Well, yes. I have loved. And yes, I lost him. He went away with Mr. Death.

Pappy Uranayski is gone.
My Shitzu brother is dead.

And its breaking my heart knowing that I will never get to see him grow up. He died at such a tender young age. He's life was abruptly robbed away from him.

To get the gist of this tragic moment, let me tell you the story. My brother-slash-dog, Pappy, was brutally murdered by my other dog. Actually, he was not murdered. He was ruthlessly slaughtered by the monster dog. The monster dog I am talking about is my 9 year old Wire-haired Duschsand, Gambi. Its such a shame because Gambi is particularly mine [Usually, dogs in our family are owned generally by our family but I am the prime owner of Gambi.Gaah.].

My parents found Pappy's blood-smothered body in the waterway of our house. They saw Gambi with her eyes reddened and his fur wet with water [probably, water from the waterway] . My mom described Gambi as somewhat out of herself, as if the dog's on drugs or something. So there you go.. We dont need the CSI to get to the bottom of this crime. That filthy, wicked dog killed my baby.

But to tell you, its not the first time that something like this happend. Gambi has a record of killing her fellow kind. A year ago, she did the same thing with our Japanese Spitz, Barbie. It really makes me wonder how come Gambi became a criminal dog like she is right now. I was never short of giving her a belly rub, or showing her some puppy love.

I guess dogs are dogs. They dont know what they're doing.

Today was the first day of living life without Pappy. I surely missed the way he licks my smelly socks the moment I arrive from school, the way he runs like a rabbit and the way he barks with his puppy voice.

He will surely be missed and remembered forever. And the day of his death will certainly go to the record of the saddest days of my life.

Pappy Uranay H. Hajimaru

[We named him a Japanese name]

March 2007-June 2007

Where do dog souls go when they die? 'Cause I'd like to be with my dog in the After Life.

--the chronicler

If looks could kill

My tune: nothing. Just the sweet sweet silence

I just thought of doing something fun in a Sunday night so I visited myheritage.com and tried their face recognition thingy. You upload your picture and they find you a celebrity look-alike. Try it, its fun. Here's what I got.












I got Kate Winslet twice as my celebrity look alike! Seriously, I beg to disagree. I dont think I have a look alike on this planet. Hahaha. Some of the celebrities that they say I look alike are Gwen Stefani, Audrey Hepburn and Dakota Fanning. Man, they made me laugh. They're liars.
Oh well, just for laughs I guess.

Why dont you try it then comment me about who do you look like after. This is going to be fuuuun. :]

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Its my mom's birthday tomorrow. Ya'll know that since my sisters left for college, I have lived alone with my parents. I had a lot of time getting to know "the adults". I said in my earlier post that it's dreadful to live with your 'rents but now, I take my words back. True, there are moments where they kind of blow your mind and drive you crazy but its normal in a parent-teen relationship.

I used to really really dislike my mom. I actually hated her. But it's all in the past now. I love my mom, despite how loud and bossy she can be. :] Happy birthday.

Raindwops keep falling on my head

My tune: Perhaps Love from Princess Hours <3
currently chatting with mitty


My first week in school was a period of adjustment. Im having a hard time dealing with my new teachers. Actually, just one of my new teachers.. My Algebra and Physics teacher. Im unfamiliar to the way she teaches. She talks very fast and teaches in high speed as well. After discussing for a short while, she often gives a quiz. <----This is my problem. I am particularly not a fast learner when it comes to Math-related subjects. I hate to admit it but yes, I am a slow learner in those subjects. In order for me to learn the ABC's of our lesson, I need to absorb everything first. My Algeb and Physics teacher unfortunately robs me of that much needed moment in processing things into my brain. Gaah. One of these days, I'll beat her. :}

Besides whining about my new teachers, I did something brave this week--- I tried out for our school paper.

For me, it is such a big big deal. Last year, I gathered my guts and also tried out but was awkardly rejected. Dang, I so hate rejection. My ego was crushed. I even blabbed about my very first encounter with rejection in my blog last year. Here's a sneak peak. [Beware: explicit use of language. I spoke very stupid words as expressions a year ago.]

The feeling of feeling like crap

June 23, 2006

I am very happy to say that I didn't get in [school paper]. Yaay. Please congratulate me. Oh..whatever.

It feels awful pitying yourself. Yes. That is how I feel right now. I feel stupid and a useless b*tch. Excuse the attitude but that is the truth. Considering what happened today, I think this day will go to the records of the worst days ever. I can definitely remember every single detail. Our school paper head was announcing the fortunate people who will be the staff and editors of our effin school paper . She was down to the least positions and my f*ckin' name wasn't called yet. I was shaking and my hand were clammy. And the moment has come... she called my name and Sophie's and told us that she's sorry but blah blah blah (you know what happened next). Everyone stared at us with a look of pity. I faked a smile of course. I hid my emotions that my throat started to hurt. It may sound like an over reaction but i felt like collapsing to tears. My eyes wanted to shed tears so badly but I held them back. It was very hard. And no way in hell did i liked it.

My spirit was crushed and my pride was torn into pieces. I tried to put them back together by thinking that their missing out a great writer but I just felt like a liar to myself. I feel very bad. Self-pity..sh*t.

>taken from http://the-makebelieve.blogspot.com/2006_06_01_archive.html

Oh man, I was pretty angry at that time. I didn't handle rejection in a light way indeed. But at present, If ever I wouldnt get in, I wont react the way I reacted last year. Im more mature and less childish right now. I'd be a little broken hearted for a while but I'll get over it soon of course. Im just keeping my fingers crossed and my hopes high that I'd get in. I want to become a better writer, you know. And I believe our school paper can surely make me one.

Now, talking 'bout matters of the heart.. I keep on seeing my "ex-crush" on campus. Seeing him brings back some old feelings and memories. So corny. Whatever. Haaaay..

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Belated happy and a blessed birthday to my sister Angela. Hope you liked my lil gift for you.

Energy boosting prayer

My tune: Need You here by Hillsong

"He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; He offers strength to the weak."

Isaiah 40:29

It has just been two days since school started and I am already tired, worn out and weak. Perhaps my body is still adjusting to the sudden change of my daily activities. I was so used to bumming around, doing nothing at home during summer that my body is now in a state of shock with the active lifestyle I now live.

When your body is weak and exhausted, it immediately affects more than just the physical aspect. My body being out of energy definitely affects my spirit. I become irritable, indifferent and passive towards school. Oh nooo! This is bad news.

I know I am not alone. You are tired too. We all need a boost of energy . When we are tired with our heavy burdens, we need to focus and come to our King up there. So I dedicate this post for my prayer to Lord Father God to give us, His stressed children, that extra boost of energy that is very much needed.

Lord Father God,

We are weary, tired and exhausted. School seems like an energy-draining place for us. It is just the second day of school and almost all of our powers are already drained. We wake up each morning with a heavy feeling. Our bodies are giving up, but with your blessing, our souls are still fighting it. Lord God, I pray with a hopeful heart that you will make our bodies and souls strong and zealous. Make us stop complaining and make us endure the stressful days that we are about to face.

Father God, now that we are seniors, there are many demanding trials in store for us. Shower us with Your undying love and grace and give us strength to prevail over the greater challenges, harder tasks and tougher duties that we will come across.

Please Lord Almighty, assist us in our difficult subjects. Make our minds awake and open during Algebra class and most especially in Physics class. Do not let us daydream, or sleep or be distracted in any way.

I also pray for all of us to make use of our time in a smart way and make our final year in high school, a well-spent and extraordinary year.

We are thankful You blessed us with less "terrorizing" teachers this school year. Please let them speak and teach slowly for the benefit of everyone.

Lord God, I ask you to please hear my prayer.Amen.

How about you? Mind sharing your prayer for this school year? I would be glad and ecstatic to read them. Thanks a million. :)

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Special greeting: Happy happy happy sweet sixteenth birthday to my once-lost-but-now-found good friend, Coxy.mwah.

Thinking Over

My tune: Remember by Allister
thanks Shiela for introducing the band to me :)



The countdown is almost over. In less than 48 hours, I am going to bid goodbye to my Junior life and say hello to Senior-ness. Its a bit funny though since my last post was all about my Junior year and how unwilling I am to move on from it..And just all of a sudden, my mind changed and Im already looking forward to the school year that's ahead of me. After much thinking and reminiscing, I guess I've made up my mind to let go, break free and move on from the previous year. I've stopped worrying whether Senior year will be as memorable as junior year. After all, I believe that senior year will be twice as great as junior year because our class is much closer and "chummier" with one another than before. You see, our class is not just a group of students crammed in a four-walled classroom. Our class is a one, big, happy family. Am I right classmates? Or shall I say.. family-mates? Hahaha. :)

I am very delighted that school is about to start in 2 days . I am becoming restless of just staying at home together with my parents and eating microwaved popcorn with them. I am sooo over my summer vacation and I really do want to be in school right now. Hard to believe but I am serious.I want to be in school.

But I am not particularly ecstatic towards the first day of school. If you have read my sidebar, which is in the right side of your monitor, you'll see that I pretty much dont like first days of school. I am not quite sure of the reason why. First days of school just give me that bizarre, inexplicable feeling which I dont really like. Plus, I can't sleep on the eve of the first day of school. Maybe, just maybe, the reason why I dont like first days of school is because I have a trauma of it. Back in elementary, my first days of school were miserable. Usually my friends were in other classes so I dont have any friends to be with during that day.I was normally left out. So..maybe that's the reason why I dont like that day.It reminds me of my tragic past.[<---Emo]

Let's have a flashback. Here is my blog post exactly one year ago. It's about my thoughts and expectations towards my first day of school of that year. Its from my old blog.

School Jitters

June 12, 2006

Unfortunately, (with a little bit of fortune) the day after tomorrow will be the first day of school. It’s the big day. And probably the loudest day of the whole school year. I can already imagine how the day will go. People here and there will be screaming excitement at the reunion with their friends and have the adrenaline rush of it all. I plan to be fashionably late and create a grand entrance to make a first impression. Is that right? Hahaha. No. Seriously. I want to be a bit late so when I arrive, I won’t be looking for my friends since everyone is already there. Yaay. I don’t want to wait, you know.


I am not that thrilled to be in school again. But I'm used to the thought that sooner or later, I will be stuck in a classroom so might as well be open to the idea. whatever. Wait, what attitude is this?? I want to be in school!!! ... and study..er.. and stay up late studying... uhm.. do assignments and be frustrated. YAAAY! Back to school..Back to school..Back to school.

taken from http://the-makebelieve.blogspot.com

[Reading that one year old post makes me realize that the way I think and write really changes as time goes by.]

At present, I dont really expect much to happen on my first day of school. True, I expect that its going to be a really loud day but I dont expect any magical thing to happen. I am just going to reunite with my friends, see the new students [and check out if they're cute], do some school stuff and go home. That's what Im going to do on that day.

For the rest of the days of the school year, I leave them all to my Lord Father God. I know, I really really know, He has soooo much extraordinary surprises in store for His senior daughter. And of course, for you too.

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Now here is something for you to think about: What do you expect from our Senior year?Leave me some comments and your answers. Thanks ya'll.

PS. To my dearest friend Nadine. I hope you'll get over that freakish guy and everything will turn out well for you. Mwah.

Remembering an unforgettable year

My tune: Move Along by All American Rejects



Five days from now, I will officially be a senior. The three, juvenile and happy-go-lucky years that have passed by, all come down to this final year. At first, I was reluctant to accept the idea that I'd be leaving high school. People say that a person's high school years are the best years in his life for during high school, people make genuine friendships, fall in love and grow at the same time.

Well, I guess those people are right. My high school is definitely great. After spending a hell-like life in grade school [i was bullied], it is like a breath of fresh air to be in high school. The three years that I have stayed in high school were rollercoaster rides.

In my first year, I was a monster. I was still new to the environment of not being bullied, that in return, I became a bully myself. I was a mean girl. I always did evil things to my seatmate.

My second year was fair. I somehow outgrew my childish behaviour when I was a freshie. During my second year, I met my loyal and faithful girl friends. Take note: only girl friends.
I didnt have much boy friends at that time yet. I was afraid to step out of my comfort zone and to try meeting different people. So I just hung out with the usual "girl" group.


Now, here comes my junior year. Its beyond words. Its in this year where I finally knew what high school is all about. I learned so much from this year.So to make it a little fun, here is a list of things I came to know and realized when I was a junior:

1. I learned to get out of my comfort zone and have the guts to meet people I dont usually hang out with. Remember when I was in second year? I used to have only girl friends? Well finally, I learned how to socialize and be friendly with the "others". You know what I mean when I say the "others" right? Yeah.. the boys. A friendship with a boy is entirely different with a girl. Since boys and girls dont think very much alike, talking with them is pretty interesting. Its worthwhile to have a friendship with a guy.

2. I realized that indeed, nothing is impossible.During my lower years in high school, I wasn't really academically achieving. True I was in the top section, but I wasn't excelling much from the rest as I used to do in elementary. So in my junior year, I conditioned my mind to become a better student. I wanted to achieve and accomplish something. And I did. My class rank improved so much. I even won as the secretary of the whole student body. I am a living proof that success will only be attained through hard work, determination and prayers. I can pretty much say that I actually became a nerd in third year. Hahaha.

During my third year in high school, I also went through new experiences which in the long run, really helped me grow as an individual. First, a.) I experienced failure. I tried out for our school newspaper and was rejected. But I was also triumphant. b.)I joined an impromptu speaking contest, and won.Third, c.) I went to prom. Need I say more?. And finally, d.) I almost had a love life. Why almost? Well, its a long story.

But do you know what's the "best-est" part of this school year? Having classmates that are actually, more like a family to me. So here is a tribute to a great year. I made this video when the school year was ending. You may have seen it before but I tell you, take time to watch it again. Its more memorable the second time around. So now, as I finish this post, I am keeping my fingers crossed that if junior year was great, Senior year will even be greater.

Poor Miss Hilton

My tune: Stupid girls by Pink

How sad for miss Paris Hilton. She's going to jail. Actually, she is already behind bars. She turned herself in 2 days earlier. Her glamorous life will be put on hold for a little while, I guess.Here is her mug shot. Her mug shot's kind of weird. Agree? Its as if she's happy to go to jail or something. Hahaha.She is all made up, wearing make up and her hair is even in a one sided look.

Ive seen the mug shots of other celebs who went to jail, and trust me, they all looked like.. uh.. wasted. But Paris? Paris will always be Paris.

All good things must come to an end for her. Miss Hilton going to jail is a testimony that a life taken for granted will end up topsy turvy.

Its such an irony that a lot, and I mean a lot of teenage girls treat her as their role model. Some even want to be like her.I am a teenager myself but I am in no way seeing her as a role model. Well, I used to like her. I loved her fashion and the way she does her thing.I wouldnt even miss an episode of her reality show The Simple Life. But its all in the past.

Paris is materialistic and "money-oriented". And people that like her are likewise materialistic and "money-oriented" . Like the saying goes, birds of the same feathers, flock together. Well, Paris Hilton fanatics, look at your role model.Is she still glamorous now that she's in jail? Is she still glamorous now that she's out of her designer clothes but in orange-colored suits that inmates wear?

Obviously, the answer is no. Du-uh.

So girls, open your eyes. Paris' footstep is not a good path to follow.

Pork and Volcanic eruptions

My tune: Swing swing by All American Rejects

Today is an Independence day for me.I did something I normally leave others to do for me. I cooked real food today. Well, I have had cooking experiences before but they were always unreal food like hotdogs, or eggs, or any type of food cooked in the microwave. At home, I am known as the microwave master.Yeah, microwave ovens are damn good.

So anyway, I decided to try cooking pork chops for lunch. Its a big deal to me since i find it dangerous. I have seen Angela [sister] fry pork chops before and believe me, its more chaotic than you think. So I armed myself with pot holders that cover my whole arms so that I wouldnt get those oil spatters, or whatever you call it.

But my protection against the enemy didnt help at all. As I was frying the pork chops, the oil in the pan would explode or blow up like a volcanic eruption. Every now and then, oil suddenly pops out all over the place.

Is there any scientific explanation for the phenomenon that boiling oil just suddenly blows up when you fry pork chop in it?I mean, isnt it weird? Well, I managed to get through the cooking process alive and just slightly stinged by the oil spatters.

Oh my, I said earlier that microwave ovens are good. Now, I think microwave ovens make my life painless.They are my heroes.

But despite the sting and ache that cooking caused me, I happily want to give a toast for independency. Toast!

Bitter goodbye

My tune: Love alone by Caedmon's Call


Little did I know that today is the very first day in my journey to solitude.

My sisters left me today this morning. All of them are gone.

So I woke up this morning seeing my sisters getting ready to leave. I gave each of them a big hug and stared intently at their very faces for it will be long before I set my eyes upon them again. After that, I watched them leave in our family car, speeding through the concrete road en route the airport. I closed the gate behind me and looked at our empty house. The once loud and chaotic home before me has now become an empty and seemingly lifeless house. I went inside and realized that the moment I have been dreading has come. I will be living all alone.. with my parents.

I have been preparing for this moment, getting myself ready for what is to come. But yet, the idea is still very new to me. One of these days.. I will eventually live with it. Its just a matter of adjusting to the new environment.

I went straight back to bed. I was feeling rather sad. The emotions started creeping in. They've just been gone for a couple of minutes but I started to miss them already. I looked around and I saw things that reminded me of what used to be. The dvd reminded me of our late night dvd marathons, watching Princess Hours and falling in love with love. Remembering that memory caused me to recall the things we do. The times when we ate noodles and argued who'd wash the dishes.. The time when we visited the beach and got ourselves a supertan. The times when we mimicked our Japanese furbys and laughed our heads off.And just simply the times when we talk about anything and everything before we sleep.I started and ended my summer days with them.

Memories like these cause me to become emotional. I was alone and was nostalgic and the best thing to do was to be a crybaby. I wasnt sad because I was alone. I was sad because once again, the people that make me happy left. Its the feeling I hate the most. I knew from the moment I wiped away a tear from my cheek that It is going to be a bad, sad day for me. I let out a deep sigh, closed my eyes and prayed.
Tomorrow will be a better day.