My Sob Story

My tune: God will lift up your head by Jars Of Clay



I have a lot of things to say today. This is going to be one of my longest posts.But let me start by assuming that all of your, or most of you, my readers, may have experienced what I am going through right now. Have you ever felt the feeling that the world is against you?.. that you are carrying the weight of the universe on your shoulders?.. that your problems are stacking right on top of another? And have you ever had so many obstacles in a single day?.. had cried so many tears in a single moment?.. had felt so hopeless, so miserable that you want to ask the Heavens, "am I doomed to fail?"


Yes, yes. I sound like an Emo person right now. But I have to tell you, there is an Emo person in each of us. But I am not here to write about that.


I am here to let you know that if you have felt any of the situations and emotions I mentioned above, well honey, you're not alone. I have been in your shoes too. I have been there.

We all have those sob stories about how this life is taking its toll on us..How we tried our best yet we failed..etc. Sob stories, like movies, have different endings. Bitter or better? It is a choice.


Well, dearest reader, let me share you my sob story. [Actually I have a lot of sob stories but this one is the best..or the worst?]

I do not wish to whine or rant in re-telling my sob story. I am just hoping that somehow, you would learn something from these unexpected unfortunate events.


I stepped out of our house thinking that this day would be a pretty ordinary day. I will take the NCAE, do some schoolwork, go home, blog, text for a little while, then hit the sacks. But an ordinary day could turn 360 degrees in just a snap. Like a single matchstick could burn a 400 hectare forest, so is single moment could change the course of your life.. forever.


With a depressed heart, let me tell you the news that I lost my cellphone today. This may seem like an ordinary problem faced by another careless teenager, but believe me in my case, it is more than that.

Losing my cellphone is another addition to my bucket of problems.First, I missed quizzes due to my three day absence from class. I'm sure my class rank will flunk.Then, I spent 12 painstaking hours answering eight killer exams which made my brain deflate.I haven't yet recovered from that traumatic event and now, another problemo!

I am not feeling bad plainly because I lost a pricey 2 month old cellphone. What I shed tears for is the thought that I lost something with a sentimental value. The thing is, I am a person who becomes easily emotionally attached to a possession. My cellphone was like a sister to me. I stored valuable photos, recordings of Bible verses, favorite songs and treasured funny videos on it. We always had a Sunday night bonding routine. Whenever I am in my loner mode, it served as my companion. I loved my cellphone like Jack loves his blanket. And now, I miss it like Jack misses his blanket.


Now, I could choose how to react to this misfortune. Will I cry, regret and be depressed? or accept it and move on? With all these burdens, let me say that I am sooo tired of being tired and depressed. I am generally a pessimistic person and I am fed up of being like this. I am over letting my emotions take over me.


That's the problem people.Behind every sob story is a cloud of emotions taking over the scene. This dark cloud makes the sob story end up in a total chaos. Thus, sob stories always end up bitter. Never better.


Okay, back to what I've said. I am tired of being an Emo person towards my problems. Being a pessimist is the worst character a person can have. It gives you nothing but anxiety and tears. My latest emotional breakdown was because of my pessimism. But really, folks, if we all look in the brighter side of every dark event, we will all make it through. Let us all be Mr. and Ms. Brightside.

But enough of all these sayings and sweeping statements. I want to talk based on my experience.


Earlier, I was the same pessimist letting emotions take control of me. But a moment sparked a change for the better. I heard in the news on TV that over a 100 people are homeless right now because an enormous fire burned down their homes in Manila. Hearing that news is a life-changing moment. I realized that despite my bucket of problems, I should consider myself lucky. I mean, compared to other people's problems, mine are minor and can be dealt with.

Despite my misfortune, I am still blessed.


See? Right then and there, I decided to give up my negativity and be Ms. Brightside. Life will be simpler this way. I chose to stop carrying the weight of the universe on my shoulders and to let go.


Yes yes. Let go and let Jesus take over.


"Give to the wind your fear
Hope and be undismayed
God hears your sighs and counts your tears
God will lift up, God will lift up, lift up your head "
-God Will Lift Up Your Head by Jars of Clay



You can never be liberated from your problems if you don't entrust them to Father God.
So my dear earthlings, make the decision to turn against pessimism and let Lord God provide.
Trust Him. He has plans to prosper you, not to harm you.

OMG. My sob story is a happy ending after all.

Sad songs for myself

Dear Earthling,

If you are here in my journal to read something that'll make you happy or enthusiastic or even ecstatic, well, you are in the wrong place. If you are in high spirits right now, spare yourself from the melancholy you are about to read.

I am sad right now and so, it is rightful for me to make a sad post too. I dont know why I am sad. But come to think of it, I dont need a reason to be sad. There are a lot of things I should be happy of. But I am sad.. simply because I choose to be sad. Having a frowning face is after all, a choice.

Love lots,

The Chronicler >.<

Songs that make me sad: [emo mode]

hear the songs in my playlist at the end of the post

1. Sparks by Coldplay

Did I drive you away?

I know what you’ll say,

You say, “Oh, sing one we know,”

But I promise you this,

I’ll always look out for you,

That’s what I’ll do.

I say “oh,”

I cry “oh.”

Yeah I saw sparks,

Yeah I saw sparks,

And I saw sparks,

Yeah I saw sparks,

Sing it out.

2. One of these days by Michelle Branch

I didn't notice

But I didn't care

I tried being honest

But that lead me nowhere

I watched the station

Saw the bus pulling through

And I don't mind saying

A part of me left with you

One of these days

I won't be afraid of staying with you

I hope and I pray

Waiting to find a way back to you

Cause that's where I'm home

3. Mixtape by Butch Walker

You say hello,

inside I'm screaming I love you

You say goodnight,

in my mind I'm sleeping next to you

You drive away from my car crash of a heart

And I don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape I have

And even all the bad songs ain't so bad

I just wish there was so much more than that

About me and you

4. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

I don't quite know

How to say

How I feel

Those three words

Are said too much

They're not enough

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me

and just forget the world?

5. Boston by Augustana

She said I think I'll go to Boston

I think I'll start a new life,

I think I'll start it over,

where no one knows my name,

I think I'll go to Boston,

I think that I'm just tired

I think I need a new town,

to leave this all behind

I think I need a sunrise,

I'm tired of the sunset

You don't know me,

you don't even care, oh yeah,

She said You don't know me,

and you don't wear my chains..

6. Best I ever had by Vertical Horizon

So you sailed away

Into a grey sky morning

Now I'm here to stay

Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now

I just say your name now

But it's not so bad

You're only the best I've ever had

You don't want me back

You're just the best I've ever had

The fool said in his heart, "There is no God!"

My tune: Here with me by Mercy Me

I used to believe in fate, destiny, coincidences, chances, etc etc. But having the real Christian faith, I no longer believe in such things. He controls and knows every single detail in the lives of every earthling [inlcuding you of course]. So do not think that fate is taking over your life, or even your love life.. It's not the works of destiny,honey. It is His' works.

In relation to the previous paragraph, I say Jesus led me to visit this particular blog. It is a journal of a Filipino Atheist. The title of his blog interested me into reading his blog and knowing whats intide the mind of an atheist.I read his posts and winced throughout. Man, that dude's lost. I am sorry to state it, but I believe he is bound to go to hell for making such statements like this one:

"These people would shut their eyes to Yahweh's rape of the Virgin Mary, wife of Joseph, and rejoice that Mary bore Yahweh's bastard son... [emphasis mine] "

From:source

The blogger, who calls himself Hellcat, obviously made blasphemous remarks.I was enraged when my eyes lay upon those offensive words. Throughout his blog, he talked and freely professed his atheistic pride, bashing the autheniticity of the Bible and calling the followers of Jesus Christ idiots. As a Christian, I was almost gnashing my teeth of anger. But then I realized that it's useless to argue with a fool.

I clicked a link on his blog and eventually, I found myself in yet another illogical website. The website is called Skeptic's Annonated Bible. It is an online version of the Bible but, with comments placed by verses expressing contradictions against the Bible. Come to think of it, they were even making fun of the Word of God! Again, I shook my head of the thought of how lost and blinded from the Truth the creators of the website were. I pity them.

I clicked another linked website on his blog and found this. It contains the actual so-called Gospel of Mary [Magdalene] which was the inspiration for the imprudent novel The Da Vinci Code by the plagiarist Dan Brown. I browse through it a little bit and found the Gospel to be a total deception. There is something about it that tells me that the Gospel of Mary is not Divinely inspired and was created to mislead people.

If you want to challenge your faith, I say visit the websites I mentioned. But if you want to have a good read, spare your time from irrelevant matters and visit this sensible website.

Flashback

My tune: On Fire by Switchfoot
My Adobe PS is unavailable today so no pictures for this post.

August five is a marked day on my calendar. It is such an eventful day that it is already stamped on my memory.On that day, I almost died..but a miracle saved me.

Lets have a flashback shall we?

It was August 5, 2003. I was in 6th grade back then. I have been feeling a pain in the lower right are of my abdomen, just above my pelvic bone for 2 weeks. It was really a pain actually since it wasn't agonizing. Let's say, it was a disturbing, tingling sensation. It was a confusing kind of feeling.Every time I felt it, I thought I was just the usual feeling whenever I'm hungry or in the mood to fart [laugh with me people.haha.] I didnt know that it was a serious symptom of a serious illness.

Then as time went by, I lost my appetite.I was having fever. When I was young [and dumb] I had a theory that barfing would make a sick person feel better. I thought my theory was completely and accurately true since it worked one time.. So I forced myself to throw up every single food I ate. But it didn't make me feel better at all. It only made me look like a wasted, bulimic kid.

My parents noticed my unwell state of being and my weight loss. They decided to confine me to an infirmary.At first, I protested their decision. I hated the smell and the aura of a hospital. But they made me go to the doctor anyway.

I first stayed in the emergency room. The ER is a very depressing place to be. I was surrounded with no one else but sick and dying people. An old lady even died in the ER while I was there. It was sooo horrible!

My situation got worse that I could barely walk. They made me sit on a wheel chair and transported me to a yet another sad,sad room. Right there, I was treated like a pregnant woman.The doctor performed an ultrasonography [with the use of an ultrasound thingy] on me. After three meticulous hours, the doctor said that I had a ruptured appendicitis. It was the worst kind of appendicitis.My appendix has swollen and burst and the toxin it caused has spread all over its surrounding areas. I was in a very fatal condition. I had to be operated on ASAP.

So there,. they brought me to the operating room. Man, if the ER and the ultrasound room were like wretched places, the Operating room was the worst of them all. It was a cold, spacious room with huge bulb lights and a bed which resembled the ones used in a death sentence. Wearing nothing but a hospital gown, I lay on that miserable bed as the doctor injected the Anesthesia on my spinal column. The Anesthesia somehow was a failure since I was still awake and conscious at the beginning of the operation. I even felt the surgeon make an incision on my body! The doctor noticed my consciousness and immediately placed a mask on me. The mask was almost suffocating me. I guess It was made to be like that. I couldn't breathe in it. After two inhales and exhales, I became unconscious and almost lifeless.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself in the recovery room [I haven't been in so many rooms in only one day before]. Then I realized that I was very much blessed to be even alive and breathing at that moment.

**End of flashback**

My August 5-experience proved to me a lot of things. First, it proved to me the enduring, unconditional and unfailing love of our Lord Father God to his children. In the middle of that crisis, I didn't even remember to say a prayer to Him [I wasn't a true Christian at that time], yet he still blessed me with another chance at life. See? Miracles happen even to the poor in spirit.

Second, it proved to me that there will always be a first time. That day, I experienced so many firsts. First time to go under the knife.. first time to use a catheter.. first time not to take a bath in a month..etc etc etc.

It was pleasurable to recall that memory.The scar which that unfortunate event left me will always be a reminder of that fateful day.

So my fellow earthlings, let me end this post with the moral lesson of my story: People can survive without an appendix.

get that? goooooooood. ^.^

Fast Forward

My tune: The infuriating voice of Erik Santos singing on TV

The Chronicler's note: I've been pretty sick and out of order lately. No, not sick physically. Im sick "behaviourly". Oh dear, I hope I haven't conformed to this world yet.But by the way I have been doing things lately, I sadly believe I have. I dont know why but I have become a full-time irritable, attention-seeking procastinator. Basta. I am out of myself. Maybe its because of hormones or just plainly teenage angst. I.Don't.Know. One thing's for sure though, Im getting myself fixed. ["Dont worry about anything, instead pray for everything"----> Philippians4.6]


When I was young and still clueless about the goings-on of life, I always found the time to have a fast forward moment and think about the future years to come. I'd wonder who I'll end up with, what I'd look like, how rich I'll get [LOL], and of course, what I would be like when I grow up.

Yesterday, I made my stepping stone into finding the answer to that very question. I took the UPCAT .. The biggest exam I have ever taken in 15 years.

UPCAT which stands for University of the Philippines College Admission Test, is obviously the admission test to UP. UP is my dream school. [Well, besides Harvard, Oxford and Yale University that is.HAHA.So let me put it this way, UP is my realistic dream school]. Having three sisters already studying there, I have had a glimpse of what It is to be called an "iskolar ng bayan". The idea of being a UPian [<----is that what students in UP are called?] is the kind of life I want to have in the next four years of my life.

I don't mean to offend anyone, but seriously, when I go to college, I want to be away from my hometown, Bacolod City. Its not that I'm freakin' sick and tired of this City [okay, I am a little], its just that I want to start afresh. I have been studying in the same school since nursery and that makes me want to experience what it is like to be a new student too, a new face in a new town..

Here in Bacolod, I go around with a label plastered on my forehead.Wherever I go, whatever I do, as long as Im in the boundary of this City, I will always be that same labeled girl. I am like a spider hopelessly tangled in a web.I want to break free from that wretched web. I want to start a new life in a new town where nobody knows my name. So that's why I am dying to get to UP. Specifically UP Diliman. The farther from Bacolod, the better.

I can completely see myself as a UPian, taking Broadcast Communication, living a dorm life, being independent, and eating cup noodles for dinner. Heehee.

But in every story, there will always be a dream stealer. And in my story, that would be my mother.

She wants me to take up..yes, you've guessed it right.. Nursing [!!] in yet another same old same old College here in Bacolod. Like.. Duh? She says If I become a nurse, I'll go abroad and get rich fast. Man, boohoo. My view on people who take up Nursing just to have an easy way to work abroad is that they are simply ..
M-A-T-E-R-I-A-L-I-S-T-I-C. They focus their eyes only on the Dollars instead of what they really want. Hello? The road to success is not a one-way street.

Besides, nursing is too flavorless for a spicy girl like me.Hahaha.

What I want is to take up either Broadcast Communication and become a broadcaster, or take up Film and Audio-Visual and become a photographer or director.


Enough said. I will go to UP [I believe,I believe].And I will not take up Nursing.Period.