I Regret

I’m glad to tell you that I’m doing better here at home. I’m in a superficial place I used to live in. But this time, I am not that same old superficial person. Actually, I guess this is the reason why I didn’t feel like going back to Bacolod. Whenever I’m home, I tend to become my old self who lives and breathes meaningless things. But I know that I’ve grown out from that shallow surface of my personality. Like what I’ve said before, I’ve grown older while away from home.

Though I’m doing better now, I still have my “bipolar attacks”. I become depressed and dejected all of a sudden. This happens when I look back at the past sem, the five months that has gone by. I think about it a lot. I am quite a thinker. I really wanted to go away to a place where nobody knows my name and start anew with a clean slate. I got all I wanted. I lived independently. I had the privilege to start going to a Christian Church. But I know in the back of my mind that I screwed things up with wrong decisions. I’ve been making all the wrong decisions. Everything seemed perfect but I just had to be immature and make a mess out of the blessings I have.

I know I’ve hurt and stepped on a lot of feelings. I’ve been offensive with my words. I’ve been uncontrollable with my sharp tongue. I want to apologize to my victims, victims of my insensitivity.

I know I haven’t been the best student I can be this sem. I’ve absorbed all the bad vices dorm life can offer. I placed my academics next to my social life in my priority list. To my parents, I’m sorry if I seemed to just consider your efforts to send me to college a game to play and fool around with.

I know I’ve been displeasing my Father. I conform to the world and stray away from the Narrow Road intentionally. I am most unworthy of Your grace God.

I regret all the wrong decisions I’ve made. I hope it’s not too late to start making the wrong things right. Now that the sem has ended, I’ll put the erroneous past behind and look forward to what’s ahead- new semester, new classes, new classmates and well, not necessarily a new me but a better me.

I’ll be the same Charisse, minus the crooked personality. Cheer oh for meeeeh.