I Regret

I’m glad to tell you that I’m doing better here at home. I’m in a superficial place I used to live in. But this time, I am not that same old superficial person. Actually, I guess this is the reason why I didn’t feel like going back to Bacolod. Whenever I’m home, I tend to become my old self who lives and breathes meaningless things. But I know that I’ve grown out from that shallow surface of my personality. Like what I’ve said before, I’ve grown older while away from home.

Though I’m doing better now, I still have my “bipolar attacks”. I become depressed and dejected all of a sudden. This happens when I look back at the past sem, the five months that has gone by. I think about it a lot. I am quite a thinker. I really wanted to go away to a place where nobody knows my name and start anew with a clean slate. I got all I wanted. I lived independently. I had the privilege to start going to a Christian Church. But I know in the back of my mind that I screwed things up with wrong decisions. I’ve been making all the wrong decisions. Everything seemed perfect but I just had to be immature and make a mess out of the blessings I have.

I know I’ve hurt and stepped on a lot of feelings. I’ve been offensive with my words. I’ve been uncontrollable with my sharp tongue. I want to apologize to my victims, victims of my insensitivity.

I know I haven’t been the best student I can be this sem. I’ve absorbed all the bad vices dorm life can offer. I placed my academics next to my social life in my priority list. To my parents, I’m sorry if I seemed to just consider your efforts to send me to college a game to play and fool around with.

I know I’ve been displeasing my Father. I conform to the world and stray away from the Narrow Road intentionally. I am most unworthy of Your grace God.

I regret all the wrong decisions I’ve made. I hope it’s not too late to start making the wrong things right. Now that the sem has ended, I’ll put the erroneous past behind and look forward to what’s ahead- new semester, new classes, new classmates and well, not necessarily a new me but a better me.

I’ll be the same Charisse, minus the crooked personality. Cheer oh for meeeeh.

This Is How A College Girl Rants

[I just want to rant. I seldom rant in my blog..so here it goes.]

Oh jeez. I can't really believe it. The first semester of my college life is officially over. Everyone's home already in my dorm. No one's around here except me and a few "problematic" kids and the upperclassmen.

I am completely heartbroken and emotionally torn apart. [How pathetic. I sound so emo-ish] I'm supposed to be ecstatic that I've survived my first sem in UP but I feel the exact opposite. I've been emotionally unstable lately. One day I'm humming "Perfect Day" and the next day, I'm singing the most depressing song ever written in history. Maybe its because of my growing and ehem, maturing hormones. Or maybe because I have a slight tendency to become bipolar. No, I aint joking. Seriously. My crehazy friends and I even dubbed ourselves as "Mga Iskolar na Bipolar".

So right at this moment, I am in the lobby of our empty dorm at 3 am in the morning, depressed and in an unexplainable mood all over again. The aura of the dorm, with boxes and storage containers containing valuable things of my fellow dormers that transformed this dorm into our second home, line the corridors. Its a very depressing thing to look at. Especially when I pass by empty rooms with cleared out closets and clutter-free books.

Why am I even still here in my dorm and not at home? Blame it all to CWTS. I still have to finish our project proposal. I could have finnished it a long long time ago, but my procastination habit just starts kicking in. But I'm done with our project proposal. I've peppered it with looove.

[Okay, i just looked outside our dorm (our doors are glass,btw) and I saw this cat roaming around. Its getting freaky here. I've heard a lot of *stories* about our dorm but I've never believed them.Jeez, I dont know what to say right now.]

The truth of the matter dearest readers is, I am ultimately depressed right now because *drum roll* I don't want to go home yet. I just want to stay here, seriously. The reasons? Well, I'll keep it to myself. The only thing I want to go home to Bacolod is that I'll get to see my parents, my best friends and my 2 sisters who are also coming home from UP-Diliman.

So yeah. Thats it. I'm going home tomorrow and I don't even know what time I'll leave. My upperclassmen are inviting me to come them [they're going to Bacolod too for the Maskara Festival] but I'm not quite sure if I will. I want to travel alone. I want to travel with myself and my gigantic red luggage. Yes. Its the perfect way to reminisce and think about things. There are a looooot of things to think about. You have no freaking idea what has been happening with myself and my life here. It has been a rollercoaster. And not just a rollercoaster.. A MEGA rollercoaster. I would be flat as a pancake right now if my Father God had'nt rescued me with Divine Intervention.

Jeez, I am having verbal diarrhea right now. I seriously have to get some sleep now. But before I do, lemme show you how my room has been like in the past few days. [And Kuya Eug, you're right. I will post pictures of my room here. HAHA]







WHAT A MESS. Anyhoo, I'll be in Bacolod in less than 24 hours. Ciao.

Oh Hello Hellweek!

I'll be gone for a few weeks. Need to give my brain cells a break. Ciao! :)

Showing Off

I'm currently having scattered brains right now due to my upcoming first ever hellweek in college. It's gonna be one heck of a series of sleepless nights. Gosh, I am having a reality check right now. I am in UP. UP! I just can't sleep away my exams. I'm constantly imaginary slapping my face every time I find myself snoozing the day again in my dorm. Seriously. Things aren't that glamorous when you are completely in control of your actions. There were times whe I feel really disappointed of myself because of my growing college vices. Have I told you that I think I'm failing my Soc Sci 10 subject? Like OMG. Unacceptable right? Oh well. I am discplining myself at the moment.

For the meantime, let me show off my so-called work of art [that is what my prof. is calling it] for my Soc Sci 2 third exam. It was uber fun doing the photoshoot. I didn't have anything at hand. Only my osbsolete Sony digicam. But with my resourcefulness and a bunch of game-for-anything friends, I was able to pull this off. :)

We were supposed to create a work of art based on a theory of any philospher we've studied in class. I chose Hobbes' State Of Nature. I interpreted it through my own version of the disney sugarcoated Snow White.

Thanks Naira and Chuchay. :*