There will always be that one person in your life you just can’t seem to get along with. Whether it may be small or big things, the two of you just simply can’t achieve harmony. When you have a flashback of all the moments in time you’ve been together, arguments, wrangles and simply conflicts between the two of you noticeably dominate.
Perhaps that’s just the way it is. The two of you are parallel to each other. You are black and he is white. You like it sweet, while he prefers it bitter. You go for east and in opposition, he moves to the west.
Well in my case, it has to be my mother.
We have a bittersweet relationship. It’s pretty normal for moms and daughters to argue about stuff. At one point, I stopped wondering why we are like this, like cats and dogs. I thought that it’s probably just the natural law of nature.
I know that I am not alone. Millions of teenagers out there go through the same situation very similar to mine. Don’t you just wonder why this is the case? Mothers and daughters are meant to be like best friends. But why, in our present generation, daughters [including me] are drifting farther and farther away from their moms?
This post is an attempt to speak and voice out my point of view in this matter in behalf of the teenage population world wide experiencing the same thing. This is only one side of the issue—the side of the teenagers. I hope that when moms get to read my story, it will shed light to them and get them to understand more the sentiments of their teenage daughters.
So let me tell you why my mother and I just can’t be the best of friends.
PROBLEM # 1: First of all, my mother is a verbal kind of person. She is so loud, I gotta tell you! I even dubbed her before as the “Queen of Mouths”. There was never a day in my life that ended without her screaming at the top of her lungs, nagging and badgering about the smallest, simplest things. The worst part is, the things that come out of her mouth are just.. [sigh] you know what I mean. She deals with things in an earsplitting way.
WHAT I HAVE TO SAY: Personally, I am fed up with all the loud and negative vibrations that come out of her. This is one of the major reasons why we don’t click at all. Teenagers are stubborn and hard-headed. When mom’s address matters to us while shouting and screaming like we don’t have a pair of ears, it won’t do any help at all. It will only annoy us.
WHAT THE ‘RENTS SHOULD REALIZE: I believe that if mom talked over problems in a calmer, more modest way, then our mother-daughter relationship is so much better. It would make me realize that she really cared about my welfare and not only cared of getting mad at me. Taking things in a peaceful way and talking to us like young adults, not deaf people, would show that you respect us as individuals.
PROBLEM # 2: My mother isn’t much of an expressive kind of person. She doesn’t show much emotions. I can especially see this trait of hers during special occasions like birthdays or Valentine’s Day. She does not like showing affection like saying “I love you” or some sort. For her, things in the family are so casual that she feels like greeting us [my sisters and I] when it is our birthday isn’t needed at all. Whenever we have achievements or success, she doesn’t evidently show that she’s proud or happy for us. Well I know that deep inside she is, but she refuses to show it on her face or gestures.
The thing with my mom is, her language of love is through gifts. She prefers showing affection through material things.
WHAT I HAVE TO SAY: Don’t get me wrong. I love getting material gifts from Mama. But as a teenager, I also need attention and love which is “hands-on”. It’s very painful to feel when your mother doesn’t greet you a simple happy birthday on your birthday, or she doesn’t show appreciation for your accomplishments.
WHAT THE ‘RENTS SHOULD REALIZE: I hope that Mama wouldn’t take things so casually and informally. It is true that we can be casual because we are family but not to the point of being unconcerned about our emotional needs. As simple as it may be, birthday greetings, I love you’s and appreciations from our parents really please us.
It would also mean sooo much for us when our parents could come to special days of our lives like graduation and days of competition. FYI, one of the top reasons why teenagers go on rebellion is because of lack of care ad affection.
PROBLEM # 3: What really annoys me is the fact that my mother doesn’t seem to understand that I am a teenager, and teenagers want to have fun. Modesty aside, I am not the kind of mediocre student in school. I work my butt off to get high, excellent grades and participate in as much school activities as possible. I study hard. All I ask is to have fun, harmless Saturdays with my friends and watch movie or “chill” for a while.. have a break from books. But NO. My parents, especially my mom, want me to stay at home over the weekends and do the household chores instead!
WHAT I HAVE TO SAY: Hello? I spend five days of the week waking up early and sitting in class all day and my mom expects me to be like a housemaid on weekends! This is torture for us teenagers. We have social lives, if you may ask. It really is heartbreaking for us when are not allowed to go to trips, sleepovers or excursions when everyone else is going. Being there means A LOT for us. For teenagers, we would be like missing one half of our lives. We’re young adults. We’re old enough to take care of ourselves. Besides, we’re not that stupid to get ourselves in trouble. Believe me, we love ourselves too much.
WHAT THE ‘RENTS SHOULD REALIZE: Parents, you were once teenagers yourselves and I bet you know the very thing we are feeling. We are adventure-lovers and we want to make the most of our teenhood. We become teenagers only once in our lives. Letting us go out for a while not only shows you want us to have fun, but also is a sign that you trust us. I’m sure that being young adults, we know how valuable trust is so we wouldn’t do dumb things to ruin it.
I hope that through my story and opinions, you would get something helpful and useful to straighten out your relationship with your parents.
As for me, I don't know when we'll stop being cats and dogs. I'll have to give double efforts.
Have a special Mother’s Day!
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