When I was on the verge of graduating and was thinking over the real life that is about to begin after high school, I promised myself that I would study in a prestigious university and leave my hometown ,Bacolod, and start over with a clean slate.
My goal was to move from Bacolod as far as possible that’s why I really really wanted to go to UP Diliman. Besides that, we all know that UP Diliman is among the greatest universities in the country. But most of the time, my plans aren’t parallel to Father God’s plans, so I ended up in UP Ilo-Ilo instead.
I wallowed for a while and eventually accepted what He has in store for me. But I have to tell you, a lot of tears were shed along that process of acceptance.
So now, one out of the two things that I promised myself is fulfilled. I’m going to an excellent school for college. This leaves me one more thing to fulfill : starting over with a clean slate as I bid goodbye to Bacolod.
You might think that I wanting to start all over is brought about by a bitter history and unpleasant memories. Well, not exactly. The truth is I am actually not quite sure of why I want it so bad to leave Bacolod City and go back to square one in a different place. I have sweet and beautiful memories here in Bacolod. This is where I first saw sunlight, learned my alphabet and 1 2 3’s, and discovered the many faces of life. The 16 years that I have lived in Bacolod had been great, wonderful years. It is in this place where I met beautiful people who later on became teachers of life’s hardest lessons, and where I became brave enough to make my own identity. Yet, why do I want to leave the place where I grew up?.. The place where I took my first breath?
After much thinking, I’ve realized important matters about my life here in Bacolod. I enjoyed living here and being with its people during those 16 years, but somehow, as days pass by, I am starting to get choked. I can’t fully explain it. This place and these people seem to become hostile to me. The beautiful people I’ve met who taught me life’s hardest lessons seem to have become the ones who make my life hard. This place where I became brave seems to turn me back into a coward.
Yes, I enjoyed and loved the people and this place during those 16 years which I lived in Bacolod. But it is not a matter of the past. It is a matter of the present. And at present, I am not enjoying and loving life in Bacolod as I did in the yesterdays. I’m not making sweet memories anymore, only bitter ones. I think this place is getting smaller and smaller and I am being caught in the middle. The people here are becoming more and more like the kind of people I just can’t seem to bear with.
I am starting to believe that I am not meant to be here, to be in Bacolod. My life is not meant to be spent in this place. I’m starting to think that most [but not all] of the people I allowed to walk through my life are simply going to pass by like a wind without even leaving a mark.
The truth is, I am not happy anymore. I can’t seem to find sincere happiness here in Bacolod and its people. There is just something I can’t seem to find in this place. As my real life is only beginning, I am going to find that something that is missing somewhere else..
Yes, maybe somewhere ese, I might find it.
My goal was to move from Bacolod as far as possible that’s why I really really wanted to go to UP Diliman. Besides that, we all know that UP Diliman is among the greatest universities in the country. But most of the time, my plans aren’t parallel to Father God’s plans, so I ended up in UP Ilo-Ilo instead.
I wallowed for a while and eventually accepted what He has in store for me. But I have to tell you, a lot of tears were shed along that process of acceptance.
So now, one out of the two things that I promised myself is fulfilled. I’m going to an excellent school for college. This leaves me one more thing to fulfill : starting over with a clean slate as I bid goodbye to Bacolod.
You might think that I wanting to start all over is brought about by a bitter history and unpleasant memories. Well, not exactly. The truth is I am actually not quite sure of why I want it so bad to leave Bacolod City and go back to square one in a different place. I have sweet and beautiful memories here in Bacolod. This is where I first saw sunlight, learned my alphabet and 1 2 3’s, and discovered the many faces of life. The 16 years that I have lived in Bacolod had been great, wonderful years. It is in this place where I met beautiful people who later on became teachers of life’s hardest lessons, and where I became brave enough to make my own identity. Yet, why do I want to leave the place where I grew up?.. The place where I took my first breath?
After much thinking, I’ve realized important matters about my life here in Bacolod. I enjoyed living here and being with its people during those 16 years, but somehow, as days pass by, I am starting to get choked. I can’t fully explain it. This place and these people seem to become hostile to me. The beautiful people I’ve met who taught me life’s hardest lessons seem to have become the ones who make my life hard. This place where I became brave seems to turn me back into a coward.
Yes, I enjoyed and loved the people and this place during those 16 years which I lived in Bacolod. But it is not a matter of the past. It is a matter of the present. And at present, I am not enjoying and loving life in Bacolod as I did in the yesterdays. I’m not making sweet memories anymore, only bitter ones. I think this place is getting smaller and smaller and I am being caught in the middle. The people here are becoming more and more like the kind of people I just can’t seem to bear with.
I am starting to believe that I am not meant to be here, to be in Bacolod. My life is not meant to be spent in this place. I’m starting to think that most [but not all] of the people I allowed to walk through my life are simply going to pass by like a wind without even leaving a mark.
The truth is, I am not happy anymore. I can’t seem to find sincere happiness here in Bacolod and its people. There is just something I can’t seem to find in this place. As my real life is only beginning, I am going to find that something that is missing somewhere else..
Yes, maybe somewhere ese, I might find it.
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